Saturday, January 25, 2003
Thought I would write before me and Diana head down to the dining hall to get some breakfast/lunch. We woke up at 10. Finally got to sleep in, it felt sooo nice. It's so pretty outside toda, nice and clear and warm. Ah. Anyways... I called my grandma this morning! Awww. I miss her. She was so excited that I had called. She didn't expect it at all. She told me how she got this catalog with these hospital pants (scrubs) in them so that you can order and I was like "oh cool!!" See my grandma used to be nurse and my aunt is a retired plastic surgeon, so that's why they're getting this catalog lol. Just to clear some confusion you might have. Yeah.. and I like to wear hopsital pants when I go to bed. They're so comfy. I only have one blue pair and so my grandma is going to order me a dark blue pair and lavender one's. That's going to be so awesome. Then she told me how much she loves me and awww. It felt good to call her.
So my plan for today is to first eat, then get dressed. Yes.. I'm going to the dining hall in my pjs. I could care less. Then I'm going to come back to my room and then research for my psychology paper. The one about the symmetry and averagness in facial attractivness. Then I'm going to see if I can get a head start on the outline of the paper that is due on Thursday, considering it has to be 3 pages and we need 15 resources. This has to be the hardest topic I've ever had to research about, I thought it was going to be a whole lot easier than it has been. Oh well. I like the challenge.
Anyways. Me and Diana didn't go to bed till 1 this morning. It was cool, we talked about Summer Bridge before we went to bed. Good bonding times. haha. We tried to find what the night life has to offer us here in Santa Cruz but we came up with nothing. Maybe tonight we'll figure out something cool. Then again.. maybe not.
I'm really enjoing this new journal of mine. It's really easy to update and the layout it much more cooler than my diaryland one. I guess this will be my permanent one where I'll write about my college experiences, since my diaryland one was more about high school. Sounds good to me. Well I'm gonna head out now. Who knows when I shall write again.
So my plan for today is to first eat, then get dressed. Yes.. I'm going to the dining hall in my pjs. I could care less. Then I'm going to come back to my room and then research for my psychology paper. The one about the symmetry and averagness in facial attractivness. Then I'm going to see if I can get a head start on the outline of the paper that is due on Thursday, considering it has to be 3 pages and we need 15 resources. This has to be the hardest topic I've ever had to research about, I thought it was going to be a whole lot easier than it has been. Oh well. I like the challenge.
Anyways. Me and Diana didn't go to bed till 1 this morning. It was cool, we talked about Summer Bridge before we went to bed. Good bonding times. haha. We tried to find what the night life has to offer us here in Santa Cruz but we came up with nothing. Maybe tonight we'll figure out something cool. Then again.. maybe not.
I'm really enjoing this new journal of mine. It's really easy to update and the layout it much more cooler than my diaryland one. I guess this will be my permanent one where I'll write about my college experiences, since my diaryland one was more about high school. Sounds good to me. Well I'm gonna head out now. Who knows when I shall write again.
Friday, January 24, 2003
Decided I would update this considering I have nothing else to do. Well see. I would if I had someone to be with or somewhere cool to go to but that never happened. I guess it's nice that I get to relax then in my room. But I really wanted to be with Mike tonight but he blew me off to go hang out with his friends. Oh well. Hope he's having fun and I really do mean that in the nicest of ways. He'll want to hang out tomorrow, but then I just won't feel like hanging out now will I. I don't know. I'm starting to see things I don't necessarily like, certain aspects. I'm used to guys wanting to spend time with me, guys who don't care what their friends think and will hug me in front of them or hold my hand in front of them. I'm used to guys being just plain sweet and caring. Mike seems that way, I guess. I guess it's cause we're friends and nothing more. He just acts differently when he's around his friends compared to the way he acts when he's with me. That's normal I know, but sometimes I just wish he would act the same around me or something. I don't change the way I act with him just because my friends are around. It makes me feel unimportant the way he treats me when he's with his friends. Like... why am I even there? I could just go and be with my friends and be completly happy. I'm thinking I should talk to him about it but I don't feel like creating this dram or tension between us. I don't want to make this big fuss over something like that because why? Do I want to be more serious with him? Is that why I want him to recognize me as something more than just a friend when we're around his friends? I don't think he's boyfriend material. He doesn't seem to want to hold a relationship. Then that makes me wonder. Why do I kiss him then? Why do we fool around with each other if it's going to lead to nothing serious? I don't understand myself. What do I want from this? What am I finding from being with him? from any guy that I've been with? Am I growing as a person? Am I learning any lessons? Do I just choose the occasional hook-up and stray away from anything serious with a guy? All these questions and little if no answers.
So Trini keeps going off on me about guys, especially Mike. He keeps saying how I spend most of my time with him and how I'm such a player (which I would like to disagree to). He keeps saying how he guess him and Sal shouldn't have tried to go all slow with me because what he sees now is that I wanted someone who would just jump on the opportunity of getting with me. He talks like all I want to do is get laid, which is not true. I just want to have fun sometimes but Trini doesn't believe me for some reason. Sal also went off on me the other night online. I told him I missed him and I guess that hit a sensitive spot because he started telling me how we were never a normal couple.. how it was always him trying to make things work out, he was the one to come visit me and I seemed to show no interest in him. I told him he was right and that he did deserve someone so much better, someone who actually shows interest in him. Then he said that I shouldn't tell him what he deserves because he doesn't deserve anything. He said he really liked me and hopefully will talk more about this in person instead of online. We'll see. If we do talk in person I'd like to know where our conversation would lead us. It's as though I'm going to have to come to a decision between being "friends" with Mike and being "friends" with Sal. I don't know.
So Trini keeps going off on me about guys, especially Mike. He keeps saying how I spend most of my time with him and how I'm such a player (which I would like to disagree to). He keeps saying how he guess him and Sal shouldn't have tried to go all slow with me because what he sees now is that I wanted someone who would just jump on the opportunity of getting with me. He talks like all I want to do is get laid, which is not true. I just want to have fun sometimes but Trini doesn't believe me for some reason. Sal also went off on me the other night online. I told him I missed him and I guess that hit a sensitive spot because he started telling me how we were never a normal couple.. how it was always him trying to make things work out, he was the one to come visit me and I seemed to show no interest in him. I told him he was right and that he did deserve someone so much better, someone who actually shows interest in him. Then he said that I shouldn't tell him what he deserves because he doesn't deserve anything. He said he really liked me and hopefully will talk more about this in person instead of online. We'll see. If we do talk in person I'd like to know where our conversation would lead us. It's as though I'm going to have to come to a decision between being "friends" with Mike and being "friends" with Sal. I don't know.
Monday, January 20, 2003
Well I just got done makaing my fiirt entry in my xanga site and felt I should at least make an attempt in updating this journal. My computer is making a funny noise, like it's going to die any second on me, it's straining. haha poor thing. It's so old. Hey but it works doesn't it? Uh huh. Anyways..... this can be kinda a continuation from my xanga site this morning. I still haven't eaten anaything.... I'm thinking about just making a cup o' noodle or something and have some more Kool-Aide. Wow so I think I now have 3 online journals. Crazy. See you're going to have to read all of them because it's not like they're all going to say the same thing.
Anyways..... my loser boy is online but he's sleeping. Sleepy boy :) Awwww I miss him. I had fun this weekend being with him. I love to watch him sleep and to feel his arms around me. To feel his soft breath on my neck makes me want him even more. I went to the mall with him and his friend Charles on Friday night. I felt like surprising him by doing the Maxim look. lol. I curled my hair really curly and I wore this black shirt that only has 3 buttons in the front but it's open so you can see my belly button and these cute jeans. I had this zip-up sweatshirt on and when I was in his room I unzipped it to show him my shirt and he just looked at me like 'wow' and said he really liked it. Before we went to the mall we went over to his friends place just to say hi and then we left. They were so hungry and decided to get McDonald's. Man guys can seriously eat a whole lot. I don't know how they do it. After they ate we went to all these stores so Charles could pick up some applications. I have to say I was being kinda mean to Mike but all in good fun :) We got back from the mall a little before 8.There was nothing going on because everyone had left to go home for the three day weekend. So we hung out at Charles apartment for a bit to see if anyone wanted to watch movie but they couldn't find any. So Charles said that me and Mike could just do whatever and he would hang out at his place. So me and Mike left to go to his apartment and decided to watch Shrek. It's a cute movie. I think it's funny being at Mike's place because we'll be in his bed and stuff and then his roomate is just across the room sitting at his computer desk. His roomate is cool though, he's respectful and stuff lol. So we watched Shrek, his roomate had left the room... so we started kissing and fooling around a bit with mike on top of me and his roomate walks in. Lol. Mike just looked up and smiled and his roomate was all "oh.... I'm sorry..." and closed the door. Funny stuff. Then we cuddled and Mike fell asleep. It's so cute when he sleeps. I love it. I love holding his hands.... and I could tell when he would fall asleep because I would play with hands and if he was awake he would try holding my hand and when he fell asleep he would just let me hold his hand.
Saturday was pretty cool. It was really really nice outside and I wanted to go to the beach so badly. But no one wanted to go with me until I saw Trini come online and so I asked him if he wanted to go. Of course he said yes. So we hung out at the pier and walked on the Boardwalk. He paid for us to play some arcade games which was a lot of fun. Then he asked if I was hungry and wanted to know if I wanted to eat at one of the resturaunts. But I told him all the places along the pier were really expensive and he said "no its cool... just pick one" and I told him no lol. I showed him this one cheap lil' resturaunt that was also near the beach and we ate there. By the time we had finished eating the sun had set. It was really pretty. We sat there and talked for a few minutes and then decided to head back. We got back to campus around 6ish and he hung out in my room till 8. It was funny, we sat and listened to all this rap music. He asked me what kind of perfume do I wear because he said it smells really good and I told him Ralph by Ralph Lauren. He was all 'yeah because whenever I smell it I always think about you'. lol. Then he asked if he could come back later that night with his friend Daniel and bring some drinks back so we could all just hang out. I told him I just wanted to go to bed early and he said that was cool. But did I go to bed early?! not even lol. I went to bed at 3 in the morning.
I was already laying in bed around 10ish and the phone rang. It was Mike. He came over around 11 and we cuddled listening to music on my bed. Then he closed my commputer (where we had been listening to music) so it was nice and dark. Then we started kissing and stuff. That is until we both fell asleep. I love falling asleep in his arms. Then I woke up and just watced him sleeping. His body was sore from playing football earlier on in the day so I laid there and rubbed his arms and his chest. Then I tried waking him up by kissing him and that didn't work that well even though there were times when he would kiss me back. He really wanted to stay the night but I didn't feel like having anyone over, especially him, because I would only be tempted to want to do stuff with him rather then sleep. Even though I knew all he wanted to do was sleep. So I told him I would even walk him back to his place and tuck him into bed so he said okay. My friendship with Mike is definately one of a kind. It's weird. We're not together. We're just friends. Friends that fool around. lol.
Anyways..... my loser boy is online but he's sleeping. Sleepy boy :) Awwww I miss him. I had fun this weekend being with him. I love to watch him sleep and to feel his arms around me. To feel his soft breath on my neck makes me want him even more. I went to the mall with him and his friend Charles on Friday night. I felt like surprising him by doing the Maxim look. lol. I curled my hair really curly and I wore this black shirt that only has 3 buttons in the front but it's open so you can see my belly button and these cute jeans. I had this zip-up sweatshirt on and when I was in his room I unzipped it to show him my shirt and he just looked at me like 'wow' and said he really liked it. Before we went to the mall we went over to his friends place just to say hi and then we left. They were so hungry and decided to get McDonald's. Man guys can seriously eat a whole lot. I don't know how they do it. After they ate we went to all these stores so Charles could pick up some applications. I have to say I was being kinda mean to Mike but all in good fun :) We got back from the mall a little before 8.There was nothing going on because everyone had left to go home for the three day weekend. So we hung out at Charles apartment for a bit to see if anyone wanted to watch movie but they couldn't find any. So Charles said that me and Mike could just do whatever and he would hang out at his place. So me and Mike left to go to his apartment and decided to watch Shrek. It's a cute movie. I think it's funny being at Mike's place because we'll be in his bed and stuff and then his roomate is just across the room sitting at his computer desk. His roomate is cool though, he's respectful and stuff lol. So we watched Shrek, his roomate had left the room... so we started kissing and fooling around a bit with mike on top of me and his roomate walks in. Lol. Mike just looked up and smiled and his roomate was all "oh.... I'm sorry..." and closed the door. Funny stuff. Then we cuddled and Mike fell asleep. It's so cute when he sleeps. I love it. I love holding his hands.... and I could tell when he would fall asleep because I would play with hands and if he was awake he would try holding my hand and when he fell asleep he would just let me hold his hand.
Saturday was pretty cool. It was really really nice outside and I wanted to go to the beach so badly. But no one wanted to go with me until I saw Trini come online and so I asked him if he wanted to go. Of course he said yes. So we hung out at the pier and walked on the Boardwalk. He paid for us to play some arcade games which was a lot of fun. Then he asked if I was hungry and wanted to know if I wanted to eat at one of the resturaunts. But I told him all the places along the pier were really expensive and he said "no its cool... just pick one" and I told him no lol. I showed him this one cheap lil' resturaunt that was also near the beach and we ate there. By the time we had finished eating the sun had set. It was really pretty. We sat there and talked for a few minutes and then decided to head back. We got back to campus around 6ish and he hung out in my room till 8. It was funny, we sat and listened to all this rap music. He asked me what kind of perfume do I wear because he said it smells really good and I told him Ralph by Ralph Lauren. He was all 'yeah because whenever I smell it I always think about you'. lol. Then he asked if he could come back later that night with his friend Daniel and bring some drinks back so we could all just hang out. I told him I just wanted to go to bed early and he said that was cool. But did I go to bed early?! not even lol. I went to bed at 3 in the morning.
I was already laying in bed around 10ish and the phone rang. It was Mike. He came over around 11 and we cuddled listening to music on my bed. Then he closed my commputer (where we had been listening to music) so it was nice and dark. Then we started kissing and stuff. That is until we both fell asleep. I love falling asleep in his arms. Then I woke up and just watced him sleeping. His body was sore from playing football earlier on in the day so I laid there and rubbed his arms and his chest. Then I tried waking him up by kissing him and that didn't work that well even though there were times when he would kiss me back. He really wanted to stay the night but I didn't feel like having anyone over, especially him, because I would only be tempted to want to do stuff with him rather then sleep. Even though I knew all he wanted to do was sleep. So I told him I would even walk him back to his place and tuck him into bed so he said okay. My friendship with Mike is definately one of a kind. It's weird. We're not together. We're just friends. Friends that fool around. lol.
