as you fade away

Just got back from getting my Wisdom teeth out!!! Only took 10 minutes! I'm on vicadin right now and I'm still so dizzy.... so I think I'm gonna go back to laying down. I just wanted to say.........I hate the taste of blood!

Random survey time:

x. you keep a diary: yes.. I have many diaries/journals
x. you like to cook: NOPE
x. you have a secret crush you have not shared with anyone: No... and why would I have a crush?
x. you're in love: Yes I am and I'm pretty sure you all know with who by now
x. you set your watch a few minutes ahead: Nah
x. you bite your fingernails: sometimes when I get really really nervous
x. you believe in love: I believe lust turns into something more and we call that love
Who is...?
the prettiest female you know: hmmm... I dunno
The weirdest person you know: that would Anna from qhhs. LOL. Still crazy/odd Anna.
the Loudest Person you Know: besides myself? I'd have to say Nancy.
the Sexiest People you Know: Mike :) Haha... ummm..Vin Disel...Paul Walker... ohhh they were supposed to be people I know???? like personally?? Ohh well..
Your close friends: Nancy, Griselda, Diana, Sergio, April, Amanda, Aine, Kalani, Mike :) (one of my best friends)
the Person that Knows the Most about you: Ummm... Mike knows A LOT about me... he's kinda up there with Kalani and Aine
Most boring teacher: Liberman (American Pop music teacher)

What is...?
the most overused phrase on IM: cool
the last image/thought you go to sleep with: the image of Mike's stuffed tiger......and the thought of Mike :)
Inside joke: ummm... I'm not really sure.

Do You...?
take a shower everyday: yep
have a crush: NOOOO
think/know you've been in love: Yes.. I know I'm in love
want to get married: yeah of course
have any tattoos/where?: I want some (maybe 2).. one on my lower back... and one on my ankle
piercings/where?: 2 in my left ear.. and 3 in my right ear..and my navel
get motion sickness: nope
think you're a health freak: YES
get along with your parents: sometimes
like thunderstorms: no
WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK Of
Ryan: Mannke....Highland Ryan...this guy who I thought I could hook up with. LOL.
Rob: This fat dork business person
Drew: Barrymore... aww she's one of my favorite actress
Stephanie: Dill....she was kinda of a bitch.. but always tried to be nice to me. LOL.
Heather: Kincaid.. she's nice!!
Aaron: Carter! LOL.
Amy: Grant
Will: and Grace
Paul: Walker
Eve: 6
John: Lennon
Tim: McGraw
Laura: Weiss.. man..she was a BITCH. LOL!!!!
Alex: this girl from my work.. yeah that's right.. from my WORK. Haha.
Dave: Mike's friend
Sarah: Nard.. awww my best friend from Jr. High
Justin: awww... my friend from Summer Bridge.. such a nice guy
Ricky: Hart.. awwww this guy from qhhs... cool guy
Jacob: ummm I dunno
Jack: and Jill

I knew something was weird. I didn't feel right. There was something deep down inside telling me that everything between me and Mike wasn't okay just yet. I couldn't figure out what it was. But I kept thinking... maybe it was because we never go and have any fun. Maybe it's because we never go out and eat. He's never taken me out to eat in the whole 7 months that we've been together! Don't you think that's a little ODD?? I know it's mostly my fault since everytime he asks if I want to go somewhere I say "no"... but that shouldn't stop him from MAKING me go out to eat with him. That's not supposed to stop him from surprising me one night by taking me out to eat! I kept thinking..okay..maybe it's not the whole going out to eat thing. We've never gone ANYWHERE. Just the two of us. And when I say gone anywhere... I mean... some place fun, some place romantic, some place exciting. We never do the "couple" things. I kept thinking some more and came to the conclusion that I push certain negative feelings of our relationship out of my mind. I do this so as to stop myself from hurting but in the end have found myself only hurting more. I've felt like Mike has too much going on in his life for "us". At times, I feel like a neglected girlfriend. I mean, he does his things to impress me, to prove his love to me now more than he has in the past. But he's only doing that because I had to point out to him that he wasn't doing a good job of it. Sometimes when I'm talking with him I feel as though I get pushed aside. I know he notices it too because he's even apologized for it. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of trying to push this feelings aside to just give him another chance in hopes that things will change and get better. Maybe I'm fooling myself. Maybe in my mind I've set our relationship to be this perfect relationship when in all reality it's not. I don't know. I want the normal things. The things couples do. I want to go out and have fun with my boyfriend. I want him to cherish this relationship as much as I do. I want him to not give a damn what other people think. I want him to put me first... as his girlfriend. I think I set these standards in my mind and when they aren't met I freak out. I want it all and if he's not willing to give it all than I don't want anything. That's the bottom line. I'm writing this tonight because I've quietly felt this way for sometime now. It was only tonight I found out that my mom had noticed it too. Mike is boring. She said it herself "Mike is a boring boyfriend. He doesn't take you out to eat. You guys don't go do stuff. He comes here and hangs out. You guys don't have fun" EXACTLY!!! My own mother sees it now. I NEED someone in my life who is full of energy if not more so than I am. I NEED someone in my life who is exciting, fun, adventorous, and daring. I don't need some momma's boy or some wimp who doesn't know what to do or how to handle me. I like guys who can stand on their own. Who are both mentally and physically strong. I like a guy who is going to surprise me and take things into their own hands... like... "we're going out tonight, I have everything planned" I don't know what to do anymore for those of you who read this. I need some major advice. Am I just weird? Or am I just completly stupid for not bringing all of this up to Mike and holding it in? If you have any answers....just IM me on my AIM screename... futureplayboy17.

I had a pretty interesting phone conversation with Mike last night. We're pratically the same person. We say the same exact things at the same exact time. It's so weird. Haha. He says we're like best girl friends who have their periods the same time. Makes me laugh so much. He asked when I have my period. Okay.. it's not every day that a guy would like to know that. Lol. I was like "umm I'm not telling you" and he asked if he would know when I was on it. I told him no. Funny. Then he said he was all curious about when I was on it. LOL.