Sunday, March 13, 2005
Song of the Moment: The Honorary Title "Everything I Once Had"
Wow. I haven't update in here for 2 years. I thought I would give it another try. I was wondering if I even remembered the password and whaddya know... I did. It's kind of interesting to read through this journal and then to look at where I am right now.
Everything has changed. Most certanily not for the good. I am no longer with Mike. I am no longer with the one who used to mean so much to me. And that was completly his decision this time around. I tried to work things out with him so many times. I tried to be clear and honest. But I guess that wasn't enough. It's hard to hit the bottom and know that you can't possibly say anymore to this person that you love and to have them not know what to do/or say afterwards KILLS.
My heart and soul hurts. I was with him for over 2 years and watched it slip away so fast. He changed into a completly different person. But not a better one. He stopped caring about me and my feelings. He became extremely selfish. Love is not a place for a person to be selfish. Love is selfLESS. He always cared far too much about himself rather than thinking of the both of us. I always put myself out there 100% only to get less than 50% from him. He became a liar and afraid to talk to me. Even after explaining how he could fix things so we could move on from this, he still did not know what to say to me.
I don't deserve to be treated like shit. I am a nice person. If he's not going to care about me then fine... I will find someone else who will. I loved him to death. He was my world. My best friend. But that was the problem, you cannot set someone up to be your world....cause when they walk out...you're left with nothing.
It's so sad to see how easily he could turn his back on someone who has been with him for over 2 years. He seems so totally fine with not talking to me for a whole day...not calling...not being here.
Every second that goes by with him NOT doing something to show me he's at least thinking about "us" or "me" for that matter....makes me HATE him even more. I hate what he did to me and I hate him for not having the guts to fix it.
My thoughts are all over the place right now... so this post may not make sense in its entirety. I just have so much hate, anger, sadness, and mixed feelings on this whole situation it's crazy. I don't know how to explain myself anymore.
Wow. I haven't update in here for 2 years. I thought I would give it another try. I was wondering if I even remembered the password and whaddya know... I did. It's kind of interesting to read through this journal and then to look at where I am right now.
Everything has changed. Most certanily not for the good. I am no longer with Mike. I am no longer with the one who used to mean so much to me. And that was completly his decision this time around. I tried to work things out with him so many times. I tried to be clear and honest. But I guess that wasn't enough. It's hard to hit the bottom and know that you can't possibly say anymore to this person that you love and to have them not know what to do/or say afterwards KILLS.
My heart and soul hurts. I was with him for over 2 years and watched it slip away so fast. He changed into a completly different person. But not a better one. He stopped caring about me and my feelings. He became extremely selfish. Love is not a place for a person to be selfish. Love is selfLESS. He always cared far too much about himself rather than thinking of the both of us. I always put myself out there 100% only to get less than 50% from him. He became a liar and afraid to talk to me. Even after explaining how he could fix things so we could move on from this, he still did not know what to say to me.
I don't deserve to be treated like shit. I am a nice person. If he's not going to care about me then fine... I will find someone else who will. I loved him to death. He was my world. My best friend. But that was the problem, you cannot set someone up to be your world....cause when they walk out...you're left with nothing.
It's so sad to see how easily he could turn his back on someone who has been with him for over 2 years. He seems so totally fine with not talking to me for a whole day...not calling...not being here.
Every second that goes by with him NOT doing something to show me he's at least thinking about "us" or "me" for that matter....makes me HATE him even more. I hate what he did to me and I hate him for not having the guts to fix it.
My thoughts are all over the place right now... so this post may not make sense in its entirety. I just have so much hate, anger, sadness, and mixed feelings on this whole situation it's crazy. I don't know how to explain myself anymore.
